Clinical Pastoral Education – My Personal Narrative

By: Javeria Ahmed (Chaplain & Mediator)

During my recent Clinical Pastoral Education training at a healthcare facility, I experienced a unique journey of reflection and growth. The CPE training was divided into educational hours, individual consultation with the trainer, and clinical hours practicing spiritual care giving experience – an uncanny combination to begin with. However, as time progressed, I saw the wisdom and witnessed the experience behind it. The training was extremely personal and non-directive. I designed and led it the way I wanted it. My growth was in my hands. My reflection was at my pace and my level, which was a very exceptional way to train professionals.

The training was incredibly inclusive, extremely spiritual, and especially professional. The entire team of chaplains that I worked with included faith-based leaders from different religions, communities, and cultures. They brought a perfect combination of professionalism, compassion, and spirituality to their practice, which was a great learning experience. The environment was warm, welcoming, and compassionate to work in. It was a very different experience for me from any other professional environment I had been in. The chaplains thanked each other for showing up; they went out of their way to assist each other along with patients and staff, and they respected each other’s faith backgrounds and traditions. It was refreshing to be in this space where people were available to listen, care, and support.

In my initial training, I was happy with the skill-building aspect of the program and the way we were shadowing senior chaplains, who gave us a practical rundown of our clinical responsibilities and oriented us. A few more weeks into the program, I started my consultations that were more focused on self-reflection, awareness, and analysis. This confused me as I was under the impression that, as a graduate student in an Islamic seminary, I knew everything about self-reflection (we know it as tazkiyah), and there was not much learning left for me. However, I was in for a surprise when I encountered my first individual consult. It made me look at myself in a completely different light. I walked in with utmost confidence and walked out completely shattered. It was not because I wasn’t prepared, but it was because I was working on things differently. That day, I was introduced to the concepts I had so easily read, so easily claimed to understand, and sometimes even taught to others – the concepts of murāqabah, muḥāsabah, and mujāhadah with the CPE lens that I would like to share here.

In his book “Kitāb al Murāqab wa’al Muhāsabah” of the Ihya ‘Ulum al Dīn, Imam al-Ghazalī has identified four processes on the path of Murābata (steadfast commitment) that involve struggling with yourself and your soul to elevate it to its higher potential. In my opinion, CPE was the training that provided me with the necessary skills to embark on this journey. The four processes identified by al-Ghazalī are – Mushārata, which precedes the act and agrees upon the conditions; murāqabah is the actions that accompany the action, like vigilance; muḥāsabah is self-examination and is self-striving.

CPE taught me that murāqabah was not just being vigilant of what you are doing and how you are doing it, but also address why I am doing it, do I want to do it, how will I do it, why will I do it in that way, for whom will I do it, and if I did have the necessary skills to do it. This made me set my intentions right every time I encountered a patient. I checked on myself before checking on the patient, and I was aware of my state before offering anything to anyone. When considering muḥāsabah, CPE taught me to ask myself the following questions: How did I do it? Did I implement the process of action, reflection, and new action, and exhibit accountability for my actions and decisions? This was the process of self-reflection, and it was accompanied by verbatim and vignettes, and received feedback from consultations with the trainer and the peer group. In CPE, I experienced mujāhadah, i.e., motivation, striving, and struggling with myself when I engaged in self-reflection, analysis, and exhibited self-awareness during my verbatim presentations, individual consultations, and peer-review consultations. The more I worked on myself, the better I got at my clinical visits. I was trained to move towards authenticity, allowing myself to be more present in the space I was serving. If I wanted people to connect with me, I had to become a more authentic version of myself. If I wanted to assist people, I had to appear with self-awareness. And if I wanted to provide spiritual care, I had to be more present. That was the beauty of CPE, and that was the biggest learning I took from it. Given my experience, I would recommend every leader who wants to serve in the community with awareness and be present with the members they serve to take at least one level of clinical pastoral education.

THE ISLAMIC SEMINARY OF AMERICA

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